I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this.
Sixteen months ago I walked away from a promising and well-paying career. In all my exit interviews, managers asked if and when I would come back. I didn’t say that I would never come back, but it’s not on my timeline for now.
I traded 12 years of experience for diapers, carpool lanes, and snotty noses.
My title officially became stay-at-home/work-at-home mom; and I was elated.
Before quitting I tried to be realistic about this new step. I knew that the SAHM life with three kids would be busy; but I still envisioned crossing things off my to-do list in spectacular fashion, spending quality time with my kids and husband, and maintaining a (mostly) picked-up house.
I was wrong.
Take yesterday as an example. With a deadline looming, I needed a shower, the house was littered with toys, laundry was piled up, and the sink was full of dishes. Every minute of the day is a choice between two opposing forces: productivity or parenting. That’s pretty much every single day. Showering, eating, and cleaning are always at the expense of working or family time. And I can’t remember the last time I got in a good workout.
There are days I wonder if I made the right decision; when I end the day feeling like a failure as a parent. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing more harm than good and if my kids actually know how much they are loved. This parenting gig isn’t easy. The pay is terrible, the demands are constant, and the work never ends (hello, laundry).
But there are spectacular parts of being a SAHM/WAHM. Unlike working in a cube, I actually see sunlight every day. I can work pretty much anywhere in my home, and I’m even getting about 6 hours of sleep each night, after averaging about 4.5 hours each night when I worked in an office.
Can I tell you how awesome it is to pick up my kids at school every day? At the end of every school day last year, T ran to meet me with a giant smile on her face. She never did that when I picked her up from after school care. Being home during the day means that I get to do extra things with the kids, like library trips with L. And I actually get to see the baby reach all his milestones. These days won’t last much longer, and being here to see them is pretty priceless if you ask me.
What I miss most
I miss the adult interaction and cameraderie. I miss working out during my lunch breaks. I miss listening to podcasts while I worked. I miss the satisfaction of finishing a project that is part of a bigger effort. I miss playing around with spreadsheets, and making presentations.
What I don’t miss
I don’t miss the office politics and petty infighting. I don’t miss the long and unpredictable commute. I don’t miss the sleep deprivation. I don’t miss the pointless meetings. I don’t miss the tiny cube and the lack of sunlight. And I definitely don’t miss the parking.
So which is better?
After being both a SAHM/WAHM and a work-outside-the-home mom, I can say that both have their ups and downs. One is not better than the other. They’re just different. Both are hard. Very hard. Someday, I hope my kids will understand why I decided to leave my previous career. That my college degree wasn’t a waste, and that I contributed to society in ways that aren’t immediately obvious.
Would I do it all over again? Absolutely. I just might go back and change my expectations a bit.
This post is written in response to the July prompt for the Who I Am Project; hosted by Dana at Kiss My List. This month’s prompt is “Jobs and Careers”.
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Your final sentence rings true for me too, Leslie. It’s impossible to know what it’s like to be home with babies and young children until you experience it yourself. Whatever I thought it would be like, it was harder. But I know working outside the home is just as challenging – just different.
Thanks for joining me again this month!
I’ve received a lot of “must be nice” comments, and it’s so hard to explain why being at home isn’t the dream that it seems. The challenges are different for both sides.
I loved this so much, Leslie and as a former teacher, who worked outside of the home before having my kids and now a SAHM, who works out of the home I couldn’t help relate so much to everything you said here and than some. That last line though summed it up perfectly for and you are right it is just different and still as crazy as it is wouldn’t trade it for the world either though.
Crazy is right! The choice to stay at home isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. Having lived on both sides definitely makes me see that life is just challenging all around. It’s your attitude about it that makes the difference.
This speaks so much to me. I was able to leave my day job to blog full-time, and it still gets me nervous! I miss the predictable pay check and the work perks. But like you said, I LOVE being able to pick up my kids from school and be there in the mornings. I guess I’m a WAH mom, so I get the benefits of earning an income and being home, so that helps with the transition!
There was definitely something satisfying about having a regular paycheck. I do kind of miss that.
I have been it all. It all has its pros and cons! As I said to Dana of Kiss My List, I will never regret the days of staying home with the kids, no matter how lousy the pay has been! That said, if I had worked full time in an office for all these years, I think I would have regretted that.
I can totally relate to ALL of this. I’m only two weeks in but my situation is a bit different as both of my kids are at camp. I work really hard all day between my startup and the blog and I still have a lot of adult interaction with the free business classes I’m attending plus still all the events. 🙂 I am SO looking forward to being able to PICK UP MY KIDS! It will be so amazing! I am sleeping more soundly now. I was really not sleeping well previously. I am a ton more relaxed and my creativity is unlimited. I can write forever on this but yes. You are right. They are different!!
Nailed it with this, “Every minute of the day is a choice between two opposing forces: productivity or parenting. ” That is the hardest for me.
I have started back to work, for myself with PR consulting, but it is out of my home. Try telling a 3 year old that “mommy really needs you to be quiet for 5 minutes so I can talk to this reporter in New York”. Yeah, you can guess how well that goes right?
Hurrah to moms just trying to survive whatever the day brings us:)
Love this and you!
This was beautiful! I used t vent to my friends who worked outside of home because I felt like I was missing out on SO much since my human interaction was limited to my son and husband, when he was home. All other interaction with people was via the internet.
I also thought that being a SAHM was going to be easy. It honestly was during the first few months after my son was born because he slept a lot, but things changed. I also question my parenting style from time to time, and I’m sure I worry my husband on some days, but it’s all part of the process. It’s not easy working from home with little ones; that’s just the reality of the situation. So I had to start being honest with myself and figure out a way to work around my primary responsibilities.